carry me to the hill, to the top of Yggdrasil
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Jess(i?e+)? or Hope (she/he/they, он/она)
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COMMISSIONS OPEN
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adult (25+)
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aspiring metalhead
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icon by alohasushicore (picrew link)
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multifandom, sfw blog (rare cases of #nsfw and #suggestive are tagged accordingly)
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i draw, write (in Russian), animate things. creations are tagged as #babkart
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black lives matter
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жыве Беларусь
Jess(i?e+)? or Hope (she/he/they, он/она)
COMMISSIONS OPEN
adult (25+)
aspiring metalhead
icon by alohasushicore (picrew link)
multifandom, sfw blog (rare cases of #nsfw and #suggestive are tagged accordingly)
i draw, write (in Russian), animate things. creations are tagged as #babkart
black lives matter
жыве Беларусь
things to know about my blog
moodboard requests
homegrown universes
Posts tagged babka vents:
I wanna talk about mental health and suicide from both outside and inside perspective since here it's safe to talk about and partially in responce to @idioticsilverware 's original post but
what the hell is even the point. i'm not gonna prevent anything, help anyone in the long run. so just talking about this seems like pretenting i am able to help. and i don't wanna pretend. i don't wanna believe in something that isn't true. again. this is probably just a temporary mood (everything is temporary) but this just makes a lot of stuff i used to do pointless.
i don't wanna think speak feel or do anything anymore. there's just no way i should.
я вот знала, что если у меня все морально налаживается, по закону жанра что-то на меня да ёбнется, ну так и случилось
я вот знала, что если у меня все морально налаживается, по закону жанра что-то на меня да ёбнется, ну так и случилось
ааа бляццкие соседи спать нахер не могу
babushka - i cannot do this (or anything) again. i can't be responsible for people's lives and health again please don't make me it hurts.
babushka - some things will always be painful for me no matter how hard i repress it no matter how "for the greater good" it is, no matter how many people will actually benefit from this, these things are still gonna be painful for me and i doubt it will stop
babushka - but i CANT because im not SUPPOSED TO becaue its the BARE MINIMUM THAT EVERYONE DOES because im better off than everyone else so i am supposed to fix everything!!!
babushka - i cannot do this (or anything) again. i can't be responsible for people's lives and health again please don't make me it hurts.
babushka - some things will always be painful for me no matter how hard i repress it no matter how "for the greater good" it is, no matter how many people will actually benefit from this, these things are still gonna be painful for me and i doubt it will stop
i cannot do this (or anything) again. i can't be responsible for people's lives and health again please don't make me it hurts.
re-reading Misery by Stephen King makes me think of my abuserrrrrr
probably time to panic because I'm seriously sick, with god knows what, this will make me easier to control again, might mess up my doctors appointment which is crucial, and I also need surgery which will happen god knows when. since the second wave is coming and healthcare is going to be overwhelmed again. and I still haven't dealt with my previous trauma. god knows what else is going to mess me in the next few days.
gonna talk about comfort stuff in just a sec!! i need... A moment
#babka talks #you see i feel like a coward every time something happens in russia and i don't do SHIT #and i don't talk to people #even loved ones #i let them remain ignorant and cause damage #because i don't wanna get fucking emotional and slip into the ocean of pain #or become paranoid my family finds out and does something #i don't wanna be fined or arrested #and i have a privilige not to be #as long as im closeted and or quiet #so i am #isn't that a valid reason to hate me #yes it is don't give a shit #why are you surrounded with cishet men #because at least i don't have to worry if they got home safe because of being in a relationship with me #because i know i am not a burden to them since their own burden is a little less so they can carry mine too #but it is a little less because they just don't fucking understand #i kinda wish we didn't have to understand so much and feel everyone elses pain #because its exhausting but also literally the only way to change things #but i don't bring change #of course id on #t #babka vents #tag vent #tag rant
4 notesanother day another government-sponsored hate crime in the name of family values
gonna say... Black fire and a little bit of red
bad brain!! shoo, shoo!! get back!!! back to our regulary scheduled grieving process!!