through the fever and the graves we carry on

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babushka reblogged babushka
babushka -

dear brain, calm down, contrary to popular belief i am not actually am being hunted for sport


babushka -

its kinda hard when you're super vulnerable as a child and everyone is out to hurt you, and then you grow up and they are actually kinda not anymore but you still don't know for sure. you also don't know for sure if you are not a child anymore. i have a job, an axe and a place to crash in case something goes horribly wrong. but psychologically, i am paralyzed and i just don't understand why. it's incredibly hard to believe that people mean no harm to me since it's almost impossible for them to prove that. and that's what actually makes ME scary, since i'm stubborn, and at some point, i refuse to see reality for what it is. i don't see people as bad - i just see myself as bad, therefore i can't understand the reality where people are actually trying to help me because of legitimate reasons. i keep thinking about what i am supposed to do and who i am supposed to be, as i am already not sick and getting all my responsibilities back, which i am not. even getting better seems like a responsibility. good think i can actually type out a vent since i am on keyboard...

aaaand i really don't know if my birthday is even. happening.



Notes
timeskip liked this post
coffee liked this post
babushka reblogged this post from babushka:

its kinda hard when you're super vulnerable as a child and everyone is out to hurt you, and then you grow up and they are actually kinda not anymore but you still don't know for sure. you also don't know for sure if you are not a child anymore. i have a job, an axe and a place to crash in case something goes horribly wrong. but psychologically, i am paralyzed and i just don't understand why. it's incredibly hard to believe that people mean no harm to me since it's almost impossible for them to prove that. and that's what actually makes ME scary, since i'm stubborn, and at some point, i refuse to see reality for what it is. i don't see people as bad - i just see myself as bad, therefore i can't understand the reality where people are actually trying to help me because of legitimate reasons. i keep thinking about what i am supposed to do and who i am supposed to be, as i am already not sick and getting all my responsibilities back, which i am not. even getting better seems like a responsibility. good think i can actually type out a vent since i am on keyboard...


luna-megalopolis liked this post
babushka posted this